The longest journey you will ever make is from your head to your heart

Sioux Indian Saying
Shared by Gwen Westerman
Minnesota Poet Laureate

It has been just over a year since I graduated from Gonzaga University (sko zags 😭). This year has been challenging for me, but each lesson I’ve learned has set me up for the next step. From boys and book club to endless job applications and interviews, I’ve really been on a roller coaster. Yet, through all of that, my therapist had no advice for me in a good way? Each step I’ve taken has luckily landed me exactly where I want to be. In this post, I’m going to share with you what happened and how to do it for yourself.

The Road Not Taken Looks Real Good Now (IYKYK)

In the summer of 2022, I went through the crushing realization that my Ph.D. program was happening in just a few months, and I was not ready. My dread led to me deferring the program while I could figure out what I wanted. 5 years of studying is a big commitment, and I had to put a pause on that and recharge. Senior year pushed me to my max and beyond. A butterfly who survived a hurricane, I needed a moment (or a year) to dry off to get ready for the next leg of my journey.

Despite having my mom in the office with me, working full-time in an office was/is exhausting. The 40-hour workweek is not built for women, it probably isn’t built for humans. In the back of my mind, I was still wondering if in a year I would be living in Portland studying computational imaging, but for the time being, I had to learn the landscape of higher education admissions.

Writing to Process

With the time I had in Admissions, I started working on my next step. This was the beginning of months of rejections (when I was lucky enough to hear a reply at all). When employers won’t reply to your job inquiries, it feels completely demoralizing (I know we have all been there). My job application Notion board was titled with a clown emoji. I felt completely stuck in small-town Northfield.

Despite the feeling pushing me to withdraw from my Ph.D. program, it felt like a mistake to let it go without a concrete new direction. It was such a good opportunity, how could I turn it down with no alternative? So I trundled along with my job search, and when I was burnt out on that, I worked on this blog and other creative endeavors.

Dumped by my Therapist

In therapy, I could come up with a list of bullet points I wanted to discuss that looked more like a blog post draft than a therapy appointment. I must have drafted this very post so many times, dreaming about what it would feel like to get to the next step. A city girl job in a big corporate skyscraper or somewhere overseas teaching English or maybe another office in another higher ed institution. By imagining these dreams in words, I was working out concrete goals for myself; what I wanted my life to look like. The vision was still blurry, but it was a direction!

Ultimately, blogging through the months of rejections made me realize that this time of unrest, unhappiness, and dissatisfaction was temporary. I could write myself into any life and plan how to get there. I also noticed that those dreams often did not include studying in Portland, but I wasn’t ready to face that.

So, I started therapy because “everyone needs therapy.” I hoped my therapist could see something was wrong with me. Something deeper than my temporary state of languish. Something that could be “fixed.” I felt so unhappy with my situation at the time, I wanted a quick fix, but I also was processing healthily through writing.

Processing my feelings through blogging (published or not) was working better for me than my therapist. As a good therapist, she recognized that, and we met less and less frequently. Before I knew it, I was on my own. Seeing the situation as temporary was the healthiest thing I could do. It helped me stay optimistic and process my feelings instead of succumbing to them. So my therapist dumped me, and I was on my way to finding my next step.

Achieving Goals

That was all back in November/December. We are now deep into August. Between then and now I finally withdrew from my Ph.D. program, started a new job at the same college, achieved my CAPM (Certified Associate in project management), and just a few weeks ago landed a new job in Minneapolis. The first change that got me to my goal was believing myself. Not believing in myself, believing myself. I finally withdrew from the Ph.D. program. I couldn’t rely on it as my backup because it wasn’t the right path for me! As a wise TikTok once told me, “doing the right thing for you will feel stressful, but putting off that choice will create more stress.” I know I will continue my education in another way, I love learning!

Before landing my current corporate girl job, I had to take one more baby step job. I got a communications and operations role in a neighboring office in the college. I pushed this role to fit my goals. Operations became project management. I pursued the CAPM course and practiced project management skills with my team of student workers. I also started talking to PMs. Any contact I could find, I set up informational interviews. This might seem like the missing step that landed me the dream job. It was not. Pure luck again turned my resume into an interview. I applied to my current company 6 months ago, and they reached out to me for a new position. However, because of the hard work I put into my communications role, I crafted myself into the perfect project management candidate. My CAPM credential differentiated me from other project management candidates and helped me explain my experience in project management terms.

Networking

How could I have hastened this process? Networking. I only just started doing informational interviews with PMs a month ago. The process can seem intimidating, but meetings with professionals in the companies I was interested in was opening doors. I wouldn’t say go into the meetings expecting them to hand your resume off to the recruiting staff, but it is always a possibility. Either way, if you ever interview with that company, you’ll have some insider information. These conversations also confirmed to me that project management was where I wanted to be.

Is this my Dream Job?

So, I finally did it. I have an adorable studio in Northeast Minneapolis (more blog posts on that to come), I have a project manager job in corporate America, and I am fully adulting on my own. I feel excited to start this next chapter. It also feels good to pause in the job search for a while. Even if I start to feel antsy in this job, I’ll feel secure in this advice I got from a product manager I met with, “you are never stuck, and you can do anything you want (especially in corporate).” Kinda bold, but this falls right in line with my temporary mindset. I know even though I am satisfied and excited with my current stage of life, the next part of the journey is right around the corner. So dream big! You will make it happen, even if it feels like complete luck <3